Classic Cat Jokes

Why did the cat sit on the computer?

To watch the mouse.

What do you call a pile of kittens on top of each other?

A meowtain.

Why was the cat so good at video games?

Because it had nine lives.

What’s a cat’s favorite color?

Purr-ple.

Why did the cat bring a pencil to the party?

Because they wanted to draw attention.

How do cats end a fight?

They hiss and make up.

What’s a cat’s favorite magazine?

Good Mousekeeping.

What do cats say when the mouse gets away?

It’s a catastrophe!

How do cats keep their fur clean?

With a “purr-sonal” trainer.

What do cats like to eat for breakfast?

Mice Krispies.

Why did the cat get a ticket?

It was littering.

How do cats shop online?

They use the paws button.

What do you call a cat that can sing?

Meow-sician.

Why do cats always get their way?

Because they’re purr-suasive.

What did the cat say after making a joke?

“I’m just kitten around.”

Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs.

What do you call a cat who lives in a bakery?

A whisker chef.

How do cats like their steak?

Rare… but mostly napping.

Why was the cat afraid of the tree?

Because of its bark.

What’s a cat’s favorite TV show?

Claw & Order.

Why did the cat sit in the shade?

It didn’t want to be a hot cat-tato.

What do you get if you cross a cat with a lemon?

A sour puss.

Why did the cat join a band?

Because it had the purr-fect pitch.

What’s a psychic cat’s favorite card game?

Meow-jong.

How does a cat make coffee?

With a purrcolator.

Why did the cat bring string to the party?

To tie up loose ends.

What’s a cat’s favorite movie?

The Great Catsby.

How do cats know the weather?

They check the purr-cipitation.

Why did the cat sit next to the clock?

It wanted to be on purr-time.

What do cats use to make phone calls?

A meow-bile.

Cougar Cat Jokes – Older Queen and Younger Tomcat

1. Why did the cougar join the gym?

To stay in purr-fect shape for those wild nights catting about.

2. Why did the cougar go to the city?

She was looking for the “purr-suit” of adventure.

3. Why don’t cougars play cards in the forest?

Too many cheetahs around.

4. What’s a cougar’s favorite song?

Purr-ple Rain.

5. Why did the cougar bring a ladder to the party?

To reach new heights in social climbing.

6. How does a cougar stay in touch with friends?

Via meow-bile phone.

7. What do cougars eat for dessert?

Chocolate mice.

8. Why did the cougar become a life coach?

Because she was great at teaching people to pounce on opportunities.

9. How does a cougar flirt at a mystical café?

She purrs her way through the menu… and straight to his heart.

10. Why did the cougar sit on the laptop?

She heard the mouse was single.

Lion Jokes – Older Lion and Younger Queen

1. What do polite lions say when they’ve been caught out?

I’m furry sorry, pawdon me!

2. Why did the lion bring a telescope to his date?

He wanted to keep an eye on the younger star in his pride.

3. Why did the lion bring a compass on his date?

To make sure he didn’t get lost in her eyes.

4. What do you call a sugar daddy that pretends to be rich so he can attract young lionesses?

An artificial sweetner.

5. What’s a lion’s favorite dating app?

“Tinder” - because he likes to swipe through the cubs.

6. How does a lion know he’s dating the right cub?

When her purr-sonality outshines the full moon.

7. Why did the lion read horoscopes before his date?

To see if their stars were aligned… or if it was just a wild safari.

8. Why did the lion bring sunglasses on his date?

To protect his eyes from her dazzling youth… and from the full moon.

9. How does a lion compliment a younger lady?

“You look paws-itively radiant tonight.”

10. What’s a lion’s favorite way to end a date?

With a cosmic purr and a knowing flick of his tail.